Shri
Shri Thakur : One, who can be the stay of life, whose shelter begets
natural upbringing, who provides an all round nourishment - only such a
person can be rightfully called a husband ('pati'), i.e., when a person
or a man has the capacity to fulfil ('puran') only then he deserves to
be a husband. There is a definite element of fatherhood inside a husband
- this is why 'pati' (husband) and 'pita' (father) have both originated
from the same root word ('pa').1 A father cannot nourish sexually - whereas a husband can verily provide that sexual nourishment
and this is where a husband differs from a father. So a husband should
be such a fatherly man from whom there is no problem to get sexually nourished.
Question : We feel in such cases it is impossible for natural love or intimacy to flourish between a husband and a wife.
Shri
Shri Thakur : If the wife be so much younger, then coming in contact
with her, the husband gets vitally exalted in life, i.e., it prolongs
his lifeline. In Ayurveda there is a mention of this. If both are of the
same age then they undergo equal deterioration - no one gets nourished. Moreover, same age also brings in equality of knowledge,
whereby the husband cannot be followed by her. More often than not, in
such cases, the man is humiliated by his wife, he loses his respect and
becomes contemptible in front of her2. Whatever
she dislikes, without thinking or deliberating upon it, she starts
finding faults resounding her own knowledge about it. This is how a
cynical fault-finding slowly occupies her character and instead of being
a follower she turns into an opposer of her husband. This is generally
what is seen within household affairs.
Again,
if a man accepts a wife before attaining the age where there is an
arousal of a sense of fatherhood inside him, then there is a possibility
of giving birth to off-springs who are malnourished and sick. That is
why, I feel, the sages were in favour of such a big difference of age3.
Foot notes:
1 – the root word 'pa' means to protect or to up bring ('palan').
"Man,
before he lost the soil or piety, was not only her protector and
provider, but her priest. He not only supported and defended, but
inspired the soul of woman." - Stanley Hall
"Theano
entered so thoroughly into the thought and life of her husband
(Pythagoras whom she married when he was sixty years old) that after his
death she became a centre of the Pythagorean order and a Greek author
quotes her opinion as that of an authority on the doctrine of numbers.
She bore Pythagoras two sons; at a later date one of the sons became the
master of Empedocles to whom he handed the secrets of the doctrine. The
family of Pythagoras offered the order, a real model to follow." - `Pythagoras and the Delphic Mysteries' by Ednard Schure
"Pythagoras
was now sixty years of age, but mastery over passion and a pure life
wholly consecrated to his mission, had kept him in perfect health and
strength. The youth of the soul, that immortal flame the great initiate
draws from his spiritual life and nourishes on the hidden forces of
nature, shone forth in him, throwing into subjection all around. The
Grecian mage was not at the decline, but rather at the height of his
might. Theano was attracted to Pythagoras by the almost supernatural
radiance emanating from his person. Grave and reserved, she had sought
from the master an explanation of the mysteries she loved though without
understanding them. When, however, beneath the light of truth and the
tender glow which gradually enveloped her, she felt her inmost soul
expand like the mystic rose with its thousand petals, when she felt that
this blossoming forth came from him and his words—she silently
conceived for the master a boundless enthusiasm and a passionate love.
Pythagoras
had made no effort to attract her. His love and affection were bestowed
on all his disciples; he thought only of his school, of Greece and the
future of the world. Like many great adepts, he had denied himself the
pleasures of earthly love to devote himself to his work. The magic of
his will, the spiritual possession of so many souls he had formed and
who remained devoted to him as to a well-loved father, the mystic
incense of all those unexpressed affections which came to him, and that
exquisite fragrance of human sympathy which bound together the
Pythagorean brethren—all this took the place of voluptuousness, of human
happiness and love. One day, as he was alone, meditating on the future
of his school in the crypt of Proserpine, he saw coming to him, with
grave, resolute steps, this beautiful virgin to whom he had never spoken
in private. She sank on her knees at his feet, and with downcast eyes
begged the master—the one who could do everything!—to set her free from
an impossible, an unhappy love which was consuming her, body and soul.
Pythagoras wished to know the name of the one she loved. After much
hesitation, Theano confessed that it was himself, but that, ready for
any sacrifice, she would submit to his will. Pythagoras made no reply.
Encouraged by his silence, she raised her head with suppliant look. Her
eyes seemed to contain the very essence of a life and soul offered as a
sacrifice to the master.
The
sage was greatly disturbed; he could overcome his senses and
imagination, but the electric flash from that soul had pierced his own.
In this virgin, matured by passion, her countenance transfigured by a
sentiment of utter devotion, he had found his companion, and caught a
faint glimpse of a more complete realization of his work. With troubled
look, Pythagoras raised the maiden to her feet, and Theano saw from the
master's eyes that their destinies were for ever united." - `Pythagoras and the Delphic Mysteries' by Ednard Schure
2 – "The
more exhausted men become, the more they lose the power to lead women
or to arouse her nature which is essentially passive." - G. S. Hall
3 – "A
thirty year old man should marry a twelve year old hearty girl and a
twenty four year old man should marry an eight year old girl. Suffice to
say that the age of a man should be (nearly) three times the age of a
girl. If the marriage takes place earlier than this then it weakens
dharma (life and growth)" - (9/94) from Manu Samhita
[Ref: Nana Prasange Vol.1, Ninth Edition, Dec-2001, Page 68-69]
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