When anybody used to address me with respect I never had any
reaction- But at the same time, I nursed a secret desire- that was- how nice
would be if my mother listened to them all. My only endeavor was to give a
pleasant surprise to my mother. Besides this I had not done anything else in my
life. On the other hand Mother was not in the habit of complementing me
publicly. I used to enquire from Kshepa (younger brother of Sri Sri Thakur) if
mother spoke about me. He used to say instead Mother enquired of food-grain,
landed property, etc, nothing relating to me. I also could not ask him about
it. But at he same time, I used to nurse a secret desire, that was, to know
what Mother felt and spoke about me. If the whole world complimented me, I did
not react in the least; I cared a fig for that. Nothing pleased me except the
pleasure of my Mother, My mind also did not react unless Mother complemented.
When my books were published I used to present them to Mother to
know her comments- A word of compliments was enough. In fact I had lost the
meaning of life after the demise of my Mother. Nevertheless at he last stage of
her life Mother had started saying- you had fulfilled all my desire, nothing
left out. Such compliments of Mother had not exalted me so much because Mother
was then not keeping well.
-Sri Sri Thakur
Taken from 'Dhritivani'.
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